


Pushover I and II

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 12:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11335959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: What if Pusher implanted certain suggestions in Mulder's mind.





	Pushover I and II

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Pushover By Megaera

TITLE Pushover  
AUTHOR Megaera  
DATE December 1998  
E-MAIL   
FEEDBACK Always welcome  
DISTRIBUTION Any time any place anywhere, but only if you enjoyed the story.  
RATING NC-17  
CONTENT WARNING slash, violence, non-consentual sex  
CATEGORY M/K, M/other   
SPOILERS Pusher then later, after Alex loses his arm, time unspecified.  
KEYWORDS Pusher   
SUMMARY What if Pusher implanted certain suggestions in Mulder's mind.  
DISCLAIMER All X Files Characters belong to Chris Carter and Fox, I've just borrowed them for a while. I am not making any profit out of this, it's just for non-exploitative adult entertainment.   
COMMENTS This was actually an experiment in lucid dreaming! Let me know if you want a Kitsunegari based sequel.

* * *

Pushover  
By Megaera  


*********

Robert Modell, the Pusher, had Fox Mulder exactly where he wanted him. This man, who was so adept at tracking him, had finally run him to ground inside his doctor's office, in Fairfax Mercy Hospital. He smiled. Mulder had walked into the treatment room just after Pusher had shot the doctor whose irritating whines had been getting on his nerves. Mulder hadn't even brought a gun! It was ridiculously easy to take him hostage, all he had by way of backup was a video camera strapped to his head, and a bullet-proof vest. Pusher had ripped the camera away from the startled agent's head and smashed it immediately. He pointed his gun at the hapless agent, and smiled. This really was *so* good. Time for some fun, before his main performance. He motioned Mulder to get down on his knees. 

Pusher's special talent had always been to manipulate the minds around him. He had an exceptionally delicious game planned for this particular agent. Certain information he had received about the man's psychology from the files he had stolen from the F.B.I. offices had intrigued him. 

He indicated to the agent, with his gun, to put his hands behind his head, lacing the fingers together. Mulder complied, his face a mask, trying to hide his fear.

"I really don't want to kill you, Mulder." He let his voice become just that little bit more soothing. "In a way, I quite like you." Mulder shivered, shook his head dazedly, as the Pusher's influence began to weave its way into his brain. "I've been reading all about you Mulder. It's quite interesting." He waved the agent's confidential file in his face. "Turns out you're in quite a bit of denial. Suppressed homosexuality!"

//Push//

Mulder's eyes flared in hot rage, and the predictable denial. He had a hook in the agent's mind now. It only remained to twist it in deeper. Any emotional response from his subjects was a way into their minds, a way they left themselves unguarded. He //pushed// again.

Mulder moaned softly, his hands pressing the sides of his head.

"It's so sad that you have to hide what you are, Agent Mulder. Let me help you resolve those feelings.

//Push//

Mulder's eyes went unfocussed, he felt so strange, light headed. Gently Modell reached forward, and tilted up Mulder's chin, staring into the beautiful brown eyes. He was going to have such fun. He may even make Mulder his own special project. He let his fingers stray down to the zipper on his pants. He was feeling, as always, quite aroused by his own powers. He had conquered Mulder's mind, and it would be so amusing to let the agent take care of him. 

"Have you ever given any thought as to how sensitive the human tongue is, Mulder.

//PUSH//

Then the agent was going down on him, eagerly, taking his big penis into that warm mouth. Hands went up around him, clutching at his thighs, and he moaned in satisfaction as he watched Mulder's head moving up and down between his legs. The poor dupe wasn't particularly adept at sucking a man off, which made Modell believe that he really was as repressed as his file stated. Modell began to thrust forcefully into Mulder's mouth, forcing the agent to deep throat him, enjoying the small whimpers that he made. The thought of an F.B.I. agent doing this to him, like a cheap whore, on his knees, was such a turn on that within moments, Modell climaxed, shooting cum deep into Mulder's mouth.

//PUSH//

Mulder eagerly swallowed what was offered to him. Then his head sank forward and a shiver ran through him. Modell heard what sounded suspiciously like a sob. He rearranged his clothing. Less than ten minutes, not bad timing. Now for the second part of his plan. They would be ready to send someone else in after him soon.

//Push//

You'll forget that for a while, Mulder. In fact, you'll forget for exactly one year. Modell laughed, now to fuck up Mulder's mind for a long, long time. A sort of insurance policy if his master plan failed to work. Just before you start to remember, you're going to find yourself a big man in leather, and you're going to let him fuck you senseless, anyone will do. Then you'll remember who made you do it, and what it felt like to be my bitch. I bet you'll be so overwhelmed by what you've done, you'll shoot yourself. In fact, I'm sure of it." What a sweet revenge that would be, if Modell were to die today.

//PUSH//

He made Mulder sit facing him across a table and placed his gun between them. It was then that Mulder's pretty partner walked in. Pusher smiled at them both. He was going to play a game of Russian roulette, and win. After all, as a warrior who followed the Japanese way of Budo, he considered himself brave enough to face death, so he won either way. He made Mulder pick up the gun and point it at him, despite the pretty woman's pleas. And Mulder's eyes showed fro a moment the hatred that Pusher had generated in him. Then Pusher placed his hand over Mulder's in a half caress. "Just one shot!"

//Push//

Mulder pulled the trigger, and it clicked on an empty chamber.

Mulder's partner was becoming increasingly agitated, and her fear turned to disbelief as Mulder picked up the gun and pointed it towards his own head. Pusher smiled, letting Mulder feel just a trace of that despair that he had felt when he was on his knees.

//PUSH//

Mulder pulled the trigger, his face contorting in anguish. And again, he was favoured by the goddess of luck. Then Pusher made Mulder point the weapon at his partner, savouring the horror in her eyes. Mulder fought desperately against him, uselessly of course. Pusher had fingers of control deep into the agent's brain by now. Then the bitch pulled the fire alarm button. His concentration shattered. And Mulder swung the gun towards him, pulling the trigger again and again, long after the time when his last bullet took Pusher in the head.

***********

One year later.....

Alex Krycek was between assignments and bored, so he had decided to spend the evening in his local leather bar. He planned to get slightly drunk, never totally, and pick up a stranger for a little casual sex. Maybe even someone attractive; one armed men weren't too popular in this neighbourhood, they took what they could get. The bar was smoky and hot, and the pounding music was kind of distracting, in a way that made him think of jungle drums and hot, steamy bodies writhing under the stars. He should be so lucky. 

Alex let his gaze wander around the room, taking in the clientele. Mostly biker types at the moment, with the odd business man looking for cheap thrills. He wondered if he came into that category. Most of the time, when someone approached him, there was an edge of danger in his eyes that scared them. He felt a bit like a predator among sheep. Some of the bikers were pretty rough types though. Well you had to be big and have muscles like steel to handle one of those 2000c.c. Harleys. He looked hungrily at the group of three men who were dancing on the other side of the dance floor. Yeah, a night of rough sex with one of them would just suit him at the moment. But the bikers already had their night planned. They were in a rough circle around a man who was dancing in instinctive sensuality, to the thumping music. There was an odd sense of familiarity to the wide shoulders and the long muscular legs. Though Alex couldn't see his face, the man's hands were moving across his body in a way that sent blood pumping to Alex's cock, even as he watched. Then, as the tempo of the music changed, the man flung back his head, and Alex saw that it was Fox Mulder.

The agent didn't seem concerned by the looks that the three bikers were exchanging. In fact, he didn't seem very aware of his surroundings at all. There was an almost vacant look in his eyes, and he wore a faintly bewildered expression that made Alex wonder if someone had drugged the agent. Though he couldn't think of any drug that would make anyone so eager for sex. For Mulder was plainly hot for it. He grabbed at the nearest biker and pulled his head down, kissing him hungrily, rubbing himself against the smooth leather the big man wore. The grin the man gave his friends was anything but benevolent. Whatever he was planning, Alex decided, wasn't going to be the pleasurable event that Mulder seemed to crave. Alex drifted closer, concealed in the crowd. 

"I want to go home with you!" Mulder pleaded with the big man.

"Sure, sweet thing. I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget. You want that?" Mulder nodded, and pressed his hand against the broad chest, rubbing little circles against the black leather of the bigger man's jacket. 

Alex moved so that he just stood behind the big man, and Mulder couldn't fail to see him. He was curious as to how the agent would react. Hazel eyes lifted for a moment, as the biker turned to whisper to his friends, and met green ones. A momentary puzzlement crossed Mulder's face, as he stared into the eyes of his nemesis, less than three feet away from him. Then Mulder shook his head, and turned back to the biker with a tender smile.

"Please can we go now, I need you so much." With a seductive smile, he slid his finger into his mouth and began to suck on it suggestively. With a growl of lust, the man swung an arm around Mulder's waist and tugged him towards the entrance. His two friends exchanged smirks and followed at a distance.

Shit! What the hell was he going to do now? Mulder hadn't seemed to recognise him, and was obviously out of his mind for some reason. Maybe one of their many enemies had slipped him something. Stupid fuck. He hadn't even seen the danger he was in from those guys. It was pretty obvious what they were planning to do to the agent, and his pleasure, or even his consent wouldn't come into it. Just another gang rape victim to add to the statistics. Alex liked his sex dangerous on occasion, but even he wouldn't do anything that stupid to get a cheap thrill. 

With a sigh, he headed towards the entrance after them. He just knew he was going to regret this! But he had always had a soft spot for Mulder, and despite the antagonism between them, he couldn't let the poor sap get into that sort of trouble. 

When Alex exited the bar, he couldn't see Mulder and his escort at first. Then he caught sight of a shadow flitting round the corner, and silently followed the agent. He was right, of course. As soon as Mulder was on his own with those three, they all closed in on him. Two of them grabbed the agent and the third began to unbuckle his belt. Mulder looked at them in faint bafflement.

"I don't understand.... Why are you doing this?" He tried to free his hands, uselessly. He cast an appealing look at the big man who he had been seducing. The man grinned, and patted Mulder on his cheek. 

"You wanted a night to remember, sweet thing. You're going to get it! The only thing is, my friends would like to get involved. Be a good boy and take your medicine, and you might even enjoy yourself." 

Mulder shook his head dazedly. "Please...." The three men's laughter was the only response he got. The third man began to force Mulder's jeans down, grinning in anticipation. He stopped, and a curious look of distant thoughtfulness crossed his face.

"Forget your condom, Bill?" One of the others sneered. Bill opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a bright bubble of blood, as he toppled forward, a hole in his back. Even as the others jerked back in shock, a knife flew out of the shadows and took the second biker in the eye. The remaining man took to his heels in terror, and Alex let him flee. He grabbed Mulder by the arm, and hustled him away from the crime scene. His latest apartment was only minutes away, and he bundled Mulder into the entranceway. Only when he was safely behind locked doors did he relax a little.

"Alex...." Mulder shook his head, as if his mind wasn't working properly. "Why are you here? Did you come to kill me?" He lifted his hazel eyes to stare at his reluctant rescuer. Alex was, for a moment, at a loss to answer him. He just knew that when he had seen Mulder fighting to free himself from the three men, he had felt an unexpected surge of rage, and he had wanted to make them pay for hurting the oddly vulnerable man who stood before him. 

"We used to be partners Mulder. I guess I didn't want all that creativity of yours to go to waste." Mulder was looking at him strangely, his gaze seemingly focused somewhere on a level with Alex's mid chest. A hand slowly reached forward to rub against Alex's leather jacket, and a tiny smile crossed Mulder's face. 

"I love leather!" His expression was so disarming that Alex automatically felt suspicious. What was Mulder up to?

"I kind of guessed that Mulder. You were flirting pretty outrageously with a biker in a leather bar!" 

"Did you ever notice how good it smells?" Mulder moved forward, and leaned close to Alex, then brought his face in towards Alex's chest, deliberately taking in a big lungful of air. Sampling the scent of Alex and the leather's sweet musk. Alex watched in astonishment as Mulder closed the final few inches between them, and ran his tongue delicately over its black surface. He slowly began to nuzzle the black material, even as Alex gasped in astonishment. Then Mulder caught hold of Alex, arms around his waist, and began to do something totally distracting with his hands as they began to trace the hard muscles of the younger man's chest, feeling the erect nipples through the thin fabric.

What was he supposed to do now? Alex Krycek found himself holding an armful of Fox Mulder, apparently willing and able to give him the fabulous night of passion he had been craving. A Mulder more sensuous and uninhibited than Alex had ever imagined he could be. Oh well. He'd figure out the consequences in the morning. Right now, what Mulder was doing to his neck felt pretty good.

Mulder gently nibbled on the side of Krycek's neck, then slipped his arms under the thin t-shirt that Alex wore. The younger man hissed at the coolness of Mulder's fingers on his bare skin. Mulder began to push up the cotton fabric, and decided that the jacket, good though it felt, would have to come off too. He wrenched back on it in hungry anticipation, then the t-shirt rapidly followed. He felt Alex's surprise at the passion Mulder was displaying. It didn't matter to Mulder very much. He had been in a strange nightmare, ever since he had woken up this morning, driving round aimlessly for most of the day, in search of who knows what. Then he had found himself outside the gay bar, and an irresistible impulse had made him come inside. He didn't understand why it had felt so good, so right to be there, to let that man paw him. And even when he had understood what the pig intended, some betraying part of him had craved the thought of penetration by the leather clad biker.

Then Alex had come. Beautiful, seductive Alex with his intense green eyes and his challenging smile. And it was like the sun after a storm. He wanted this man to touch him more than anything else in the world. He had always wanted Alex. Had watched him from a distance when a relationship between them was impossible. And now it was reality.

Mulder dropped to his knees before Alex, and looked up at the younger man's incredible body. Despite his impairment, Alex still had one of the most sensuous and attractive bodies Mulder had ever seen. And tonight it was all his. He could feel the growing tension in his partner's body, the hardness that he could see bulging the younger man's jeans. Eagerly, he reached for Alex's zipper, and drew it slowly down. He kissed the area of skin directly in front of his face, the flat stomach, whose soft skin covered the steel of Krycek's muscles. Then he started to trace his tongue down the faint muscle line that went down the middle of the younger man's torso. When he encountered the elastic of Alex's boxers, he began to work them downwards over narrow hips. Alex groaned, and pushed Mulder away from him firmly.

"Not here, in the bedroom..." Mulder rose and wrapped his arms around Alex again, and the two of them locked lips in a demanding kiss. Mulder gently sent his tongue probing into the hot depths of Alex's mouth, felt a slow, tantalising response. Alex began to deepen the kiss, letting his hand wind through Mulder's hair, pulling him closer.

"Oh god.... Fox...." Mulder found that he didn't mind Alex using his hated first name at all, not when it was spoken with such husky intimacy. In fact it was intoxicating. He was pulled towards the doorway, and into the darkened bedroom. Alex let go of him, and he laughed softly, pushing the younger man back and down, onto the bed. It was the work of moments to complete the job of tugging off Alex's clothes. Then he pushed Alex's fingers away, when the younger man tried to reciprocate. Alex lay back and watched him with shadowed eyes as he completed the task of undressing. He lay unmoving, like a Greek statue, watching Mulder. His cock however displayed its appreciation, and Mulder felt his own body reacting just as eagerly. 

Alex was stunned, and more than a little appreciative of the treatment Mulder was giving him. The slow, sensuous way the agent slipped out of his clothes to expose his fit body. Mulder had an unguarded expression on his face, and when Alex looked into the hazel eyes, the heat inside them took his breath away. With that same expression of lust that he had turned on the biker, Mulder moved towards the younger man, and knelt astride him. He leaned forward so that his hands rested on Alex's shoulders and the tip of his tongue moistened his lips. Then he leaned forward further, and claimed Alex's mouth as his own. Whatever the hell was making Mulder so enthusiastic, Alex thanked all the powers that be. Talk about his bad luck changing. Then he let himself yield to the power of those burning kisses that drove away all thought of conspiracies or safety. 

Mulder let himself surrender too, let the urge that had been driving him come to the fore. Despite all that had happened between him and Alex, this felt so right. A part of his brain distantly wondered why following this impulse seemed to trigger such an emotional high, as if he was being rewarded for good behaviour. But he drove the stray thought away with the feel of flesh against flesh, langourously covering Alex's body with his own. And instinctively began to rub their hardened cocks together, forcing a groan out of his partner. He knew what he wanted now. To open himself completely to Alex, to feel the hardness penetrating him as the younger man fucked him senseless. He grinned slightly, and green eyes glinted as Mulder reached over and fumbled in his discarded clothing, producing a tube of lube. 

"You surprise me Mulder." When Alex spoke like that, with such an undertone of desire in his voice, it was all Mulder could do not to pounce on him and pound himself into the willing body. Alex seemed more than ready to let him take the lead. But no, that wasn't right somehow, that wouldn't please......" Dazedly Mulder shook his head, for a moment, something important had been hovering on the edge of his mind. Then Alex moaned and pushed up at him in need, his body seeking a deeper contact. Slowly, Mulder squeezed out an amount of lube and began to stroke it along Alex's erection, in delicate featherlight movements, that made the younger man sob in yearning, and begin to push his hips upwards, writhing in pleasure. Mulder took a generous quantity of the lube on his hand, and closed it around Alex's cock, gently sliding his hand up and down, squeezing rhythmically. The response was quite dramatic.

Alex couldn't seem to hold his body still. What Mulder was doing with that expert touch was driving him out of his mind. And the weight of Mulder's body astride his stopped him from thrusting his hips too far, deepening the contact. Mulder was totally in control of him, and it felt so good. But what the agent did next took his breath away. He began to finger himself, opening himself for sex, then in one controlled movement, was sliding in hot tightness down onto Alex's cock. Both men cried out. Mulder moved in long, hard strokes, pressing himself down onto his partner's hard cock, then lifting himself up, barely staying in contact with his partner. Then Alex began to thrust up into him, clawing at him, desperate to maintain the intimacy.

Mulder was losing himself in the most incredible sensations he had ever experienced. This was so good. He felt a tightening in his balls, and a wave of pleasure exploded inside him, shooting his cum over Alex's belly. The younger man groaned as Mulder's body clenched around him, and then his own body arched in orgasm. The two of them ended up in each other's arms, Mulder wrapping Alex in a close embrace, spooned behind him, just feeling their bodies gradually relax together. When Alex started to speak, Mulder had just pressed his fingers to the younger man's lips and his words died unspoken.

Later, Mulder had slipped his hand down over smooth muscles to grasp Alex's cock, pulling at the shaft, circling his fingers round the sensitive head, and Alex was ready to fuck him again in record time.

Alex watched in amazement, as Mulder moved away from him, and stretched out his body sensuously on the bed, ass offered to Alex temptingly. The younger man grinned at him. "I didn't think you were the sluttish type, Mulder!" 

The words seemed to trigger a spark of memory in the agent, and for a moment, some odd emotion showed in his face. Then he slid his fingers temptingly over his own body, in a breathtakingly erotic caress that made Alex's cock jump in response. "I want you to fuck me Alex.... Now!" The younger man didn't wait for another invitation, but grabbed Mulder's hips and pulled him onto his hands and knees. He thrust hard into Mulder's already slick depths and began a punishing rhythm that soon had Mulder screaming and writhing in abandon, wantonly thrusting himself back against his partner. Alex saw Mulder's hands clenched, white knuckled on the bed linen, and for the life of him, couldn't think of any place he would rather be at that moment. He was fucking Fox Mulder! *He* was making Mulder scream and beg and grind himself shamelessly against his lover. Life was good, and as he came again, he found that it got better......

He quite surprised himself by taking his beautiful Fox several more times that night, until both of them clung to each other in sweat soaked exhaustion, Mulder pillowing his head against Alex's chest as they drifted into sleep together.

*******

Alex didn't know what finally woke him. Some slight sound penetrating his passion fogged mind, stirring his survival instincts. He was alone in the bed, and as he raised his head, he saw Mulder on the other side of the room, a shadowy figure that was fumbling with something on the table. Where he had left his gun, before he and Mulder had tumbled into bed together. He realised what the sound was that had penetrated his sleeping state. The sound of a trigger being cocked. 

Slowly, Alex lifted his head, making no sudden moves, and reached over to switch the bedside light on.

"Leave it!" A voice barely recognisable as Fox Mulder, so filled with pain and misery that Alex gasped. Mulder moved forward so that he was lit by the faint light off the streetlights. He was holding Alex's gun in hands that visibly trembled. Alex stared, something was very wrong with his erstwhile lover. Alex had to say something to break through the tension that seemed to grip his partner.

"I didn't think it was that bad, Mulder...."

"Shut up!" A note of such despair in the snarled words that Alex wanted to pull Mulder into his arms and hold him close. Mulder gave a harsh laugh, that mutated somewhere into a sob, then he wrapped his arms around himself and sank to the floor, shivering. As Alex watched, a shaking hand raised the gun to point it at Alex. 

*********

Mulder had woken half an hour before, feeling so strange. He had gone into the bathroom to try and puzzle out what was wrong with him. He had splashed water on his face then lifted his head to the mirror, to study his reflection. And stared into the image his own mind had created, Pusher's face. 

Modell had looked at him and sneered. And Mulder had remembered what Pusher had said. And what he had made Mulder do. Something had begun to scream in his mind then. A dark, cowardly part of himself that had crawled out from under its rock, and was doing its best to drive him into madness. He could hear Modell's laughter in his mind.

//My little bitch. Did you like it then?//

Mulder shook his head in denial and tried to push away the images that assailed him. The bikers, Alex kissing him, begging the three men to let him go, Alex fucking him.... His mind was going round in an ever decreasing circle, winding tighter in on itself, fracturing in dark and secret places. He found himself curled up in a tight little ball on the bathroom floor, when a moment of clarity emerged from out of the gloomy despair that assailed him. 

//Then you'll shoot yourself....//

And that was how he had found himself facing a shocked Alex, gun in hand, fighting the all but irresistible urge to put an end to his pain. If only Alex would stop looking at him with those big bewildered eyes, with those long sweeping lashes, that had looked at him with such longing last night....

He found himself pointing the gun at Alex, anything to end the hurt those eyes caused when they begged him to explain. A hurt almost as bad as the one Modell was causing, months after he had been incarcerated in a mental hospital hundreds of miles away. 

//Shoot Alex, then yourself. Then there'll be no pain. No. None at all...//

Shoot Alex?

*No!*

Then yourself?

*Yes!*

Mulder sobbed again, and as Alex watched in stunned silence, turned the gun on himself, pressing the muzzle against his temple, as he had once before. He couldn't seem to stop shaking, to clear his head of the utter hopelessness that assaulted his mind, and the images of what he had done last night.

*Alex laughing with joy and pulling him closer, the feel of a warm body close to his, emerald eyes shining with desire*

//Kneeling before Modell, tasting the bastard in his mouth even after....//

*Alex entwining his fingers with Mulder's*

//....he had been forced to......//

*Alex moving inside him as he arched back into strong arms*

//...suck....//

*Alex*

With a moan of despair, Mulder dropped the gun from fingers that suddenly seemed to have no strength. His body crumpled into a boneless heap on the floor, and the floodgates inside him broke. He was barely aware of being lifted, of being cradled in his lover's arms, as the world dissolved into pain and heartbreak. And Alex clutched him tightly, hardly daring to breathe, knowing how close they had both come to disaster. Offering the only thing he knew how to, a spark of something hidden deep inside him that might one day become something special, if only they could weather the storms that were coming. How had he so quickly come to this? Wanting this beautiful man for more than a quick fuck. Maybe when Mulder had screamed his name in wild abandon. Or maybe when he had saved Mulder's ass last night and seen those hazel eyes reflect more than hatred.

Mulder clutched at Alex like a lifeline, burying his face in Alex's warmth. He felt so cold, so lost. Who else had he got? He could never have told Scully about what he had done and had done to him. But Alex! Who else knew so much about him, and could make him feel so good...? In slow, faltering tones, Mulder began to tell his lover about Modell, and what he had been forced to do. He was gradually becoming more coherent and focused.

Alex listened in disbelief to Mulder's confused tale of mind control and abuse. What was Mulder trying to say? 

"You're telling me that last night was someone's idea of a mindfuck? You wouldn't have done any of it without a little nudge in the right direction!"

Mulder nodded, and shivered slightly. He was beginning to get a grip on his thoughts now. 

"Great!" Alex snarled. "Stupid of me to think that you really wanted me!"

// Just when he thought he might have a chance to....//

Mulder wouldn't have touched him if he'd been in his right mind. The sense of betrayal Alex felt shocked him. Cat like, he rose to his feet and quickly dressed, then he walked to the door. He turned to look at Mulder, who watched him miserably.

"You don't need to worry. I won't tell anyone. I'm just as eager to forget this as you are!" Alex couldn't stop the bitterness creeping into his voice. "You stick to your mind control story. That way you don't have to remember how much you enjoyed yourself!"

"No!" Mulder whispered. "I didn't mean that I hated you. You were the only thing that stopped me from blowing my brains out....!"

But it was too late. Alex had gone. And incidentally, taken the gun with him, so *that* wasn't an option any more for Mulder. The impulse had gone though. Modell might have fucked up his mind, but Fox Mulder was doing a good enough job ruining his life on his own. How much of last night had been down to Modell? And how much was due to his own suppressed longings?

*Alex*

Yeah! They had been good together. More than good! Maybe next time.... if there was a next time..... he would find out what he really wanted from the younger man.

With a sigh, Mulder picked up his clothes and dressed slowly. Taking a last, longing glance around the little room, he headed home, knowing Alex well enough to be certain he wouldn't be back.

********

End of Pushover (1/1)

\--  
megaera

 

* * *

 

TITLE Pusharound (1/1)  
AUTHOR Megaera  
DATE July 1999  
E-MAIL   
FEEDBACK Always welcome  
DISTRIBUTION Any time any place anywhere, but only if you enjoyed the story.  
RATING NC-17  
CONTENT WARNING m/m sex  
CATEGORY M/K  
SPOILERS After Biogenesis..... a possible future  
KEYWORDS Telepathy (an experimental fiction)  
SUMMARY Sequel to Pushover (see Terma pages)  
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. No-one owns the future. I own my imagination and I wish I owned Alex Krycek....... Still, a girl can dream.  
I managed to work in a spider, a farm with a white fence, our heroes and a knife, just for Rowanne. Phew!

* * *

Pusharound  
By Megaera  


********

What we call telepathy is that knowledge comes to the consciousness of someone without the paths of communication that are familiar to us........ It is implicitly presupposed that this concerns a person in whom the receiver of the communication has a strong emotional interest.  
         Sigmund Freud - Dreams and occultism (1933)

*********

Alex Krycek stared down at the tape he had just taken from Walter Skinner's office. Evidence of Fox Mulder's bizarre behaviour at the moment. Evidence he planned to destroy before the remaining members of the Consortium, including Spender, the Smoker got to hear about it. He wondered again why he was bothering to protect Mulder. Why he tried to find information to help the agent. Why he was willing to risk capture in the FBI building and why he had suborned Walter Skinner, long time Consortium source, into helping him. Skinner wouldn't reveal Mulder's weakness now. He knew what would happen to him if he did. Alex had made that quite clear. And the degree of his protective ferocity had made the older man's eyes widen, and a new realisation dawn there. 

Alex wanted to tell him he was mistaken. He and Fox Mulder were nothing to each other. Not now! Once, a couple of years ago, he and his Fox had spent a memorable, wonderful night together. They had made love for most of the night........ Just before Mulder had tried to kill himself with Alex's gun. And all because of Robert Modell, the Pusher, a man long dead now. Pusher had used his unique psychic talent to force people to do his will, and had influenced Mulder in a deliberate attempt to humiliate and torture him. He had left a post hypnotic suggestion in Mulder's unconscious mind, ordering him to spend the night with a man then shoot himself. Which is exactly what Mulder would have done in pain and humiliation, if only Alex hadn't come along. And the strength of their passion had helped Mulder to resist Modell's command.

Alex remembered how foolish he had been, when he found out that Mulder hadn't slept with him voluntarily. In his pride..... or perhaps because he had no confidence in himself so soon after losing his arm, Alex had stormed off. He had ignored Mulder's plea for him to stay. What a fool he'd been. If only he'd had the courage to stay and work things out.......

And the memories of that night had haunted him ever since.

Alex had only spoken with Mulder once since then, and had given him information on the alien resistance. But by then, Mulder's mental barriers were back up, and there had been an anger and hostility in the older man's eyes when he looked at Alex. The pain of rejection....... Alex knew *that* feeling only too well. He didn't even know why he had tried. But for once his longing had overwhelmed him, and he had kissed Mulder. He could still remember the scent of the agent, the slight rasp of stubble across his cheek. The brief flash of some unknown emotion, quickly suppressed. Mulder hadn't pulled away, but then he hadn't reciprocated either. He had just stared at Alex until the tension became too much, and the younger man had regretfully given up and left.

Since then, Alex had seen Mulder only from a distance. Once when he had threatened Skinner. And a couple of times when he had secretly spied on his one time lover. 

What a mess their lives were!

And now his secret sources informed him that the Consortium was taking a new interest in Fox Mulder for some reason. Something to do with an apparently alien artefact that had been recently discovered. Mulder had started to behave oddly under its influence, as if subjected to some great mental stress. Alex needed to know more. And so he had visited a scientific expert who worked for the Consortium. And without compunction, had killed the man after he had thoroughly been interrogated. Perhaps stuffing the body in a garbage disposal unit had been a trifle extreme, but Alex was beginning to realise that he would do anything for Fox.

Odd to realise now, of all times, that he loved the man.

********

Mulder couldn't seem to focus his thoughts properly. With increasing regularity, waves of sound and an intense pain were penetrating his brain, making him feel dizzy and sick. It had started, to a lesser degree, the first time he had seen a copy of the symbols written on an alleged alien artefact. And when he had seen a mere rubbing of the same signs, his present difficulties had begun.

//Gabbling of a thousand voices//

He had to find that damned scientist, get an explanation........ Was it really alien? Even as he rushed out of the man's office in search of him, the pain intensified. Something to do with being surrounded by so many people. His senses were reaching saturation point. The noise in his head was almost overwhelming. He pushed his way through a door into the stairwell of the building, and took two steps. Then his legs gave way beneath him and he collapsed.

//Cacophony//

He was aware of the coolness of the concrete beneath his cheek. The sound of footsteps oddly divorced from the roar in his head. The aching pain in his brain made him whimper. The footsteps came closer and closer, finally paused next to him. He couldn't even raise his head, the nausea and agony were so great. He felt a brief coolness against his cheek, and a gentle brush of fingers across his forehead. 

//Fox....... My Fox.......//

The strangely familiar voice echoed inside his head, momentarily eclipsing the others, so that he gasped in relief. Then there was the sound of a nearby door opening, and the hand touching him was withdrawn with a curse that may or may not have been inside his head. He felt the presence of the other fade away into the distance and moaned in protest, even as the voices returned in an tremendous clamour that sent him spinning into blackness.

********

They had placed Fox Mulder in a mental hospital.

Fowley! That bitch! She had taken Mulder away and tried to interrogate him. But without success. She had tried to seduce Mulder and find out what he knew about the alien artefact. Whether it whispered the secrets of the cosmos to his overloaded brain. And because he trusted her, Mulder had told her enough about what was happening to him to intrigue her. 

And yet in the end, Mulder had somehow divined Fowley's intention to betray him. The bitch had tasered him and the effect had been so traumatic on his overloaded brain that he had almost drowned in his own vomit.

Alex vowed vengeance. But he was still left with the problem of what to do next. Alex had received the news later that day from his Consortium colleagues. He was still trusted at the moment.......

They would keep Mulder in the high security wing of the hospital, and like Gibson Praise, he would be tested, and experimented on, until the scientists could figure out what was happening inside his brain.

Alex moaned softly to himself, and closed his eyes. He still remembered the look of sad resignation on Gibson's face as he was led away to the labs.

//No!//

//Not while there was still breath in his body!//

*********

Mulder shook his head dazedly for the umpteenth time, trying in vain to clear the fog that filled his brain. He wasn't sure where he was, or why he was here, but he remembered pain in his head, and strong emotions that seemed unnatural, exaggerated. As if he couldn't quite control his own thoughts any more. He had a vague recollection of seeing Scully watching him. Her concern, the caring warmth she felt for him as she watched his disintegration on a monitor screen. He had screamed and screamed her name until his throat was raw from the effort. But she hadn't come.

That wasn't quite right........

He hadn't seen her...... The room was enclosed, padded....... And yet he had known beyond all doubt that she was there.

There was also a recollection of Diana Fowley leaning over him, smiling....... on his bed.......

That wasn't right either.......

He wouldn't have let her touch him, would he?

All he really remembered after that was a terrible sense of betrayal, when he thought about her. But whether she had betrayed him, or he had betrayed some part of himself, he didn't know.

Hate was a good feeling. It cut through the fog a little. Sharpening his mind, but bringing with it the first twinges of pain.

No!

The *pain* was coming back. And with its touch, he heard the first voices start to murmur inside his mind. He twisted his head back and forward, trying to avoid them. When had they strapped him down? He couldn't remember.

Useless to fight the *pain*

Useless to try and avoid that terrifying place where the voices screamed.

He was sorry already, that he had fought to escape the effects of the sedation. He moaned, hating his weakness, but wanting to drift again in that white fog.

The door of the room opened and he couldn't hold back the rush of relief when he saw the white coated figure enter. Now they would inject him again and the pain would go away again. But then he saw the doctor's face.

Alex Krycek!

********

"Shit!"

Alex Krycek bent over the prone form of Fox Mulder, taking in the bloodshot, pain filled eyes and the bewildered pain in the hazel eyes. He had never seen Mulder look so wretched. Mulder's pupils were huge, an effect of the tranquilliser he was on, and yet they had deemed it necessary to apply the full restraints, as if he was a psychotic patient. Not that Fox Mulder had ever been one hundred percent stable, but he didn't usually pose that kind of danger.

"Alex......." Mulder gritted out the word. "Come to gloat.......?" He tried to lift his head to glare at Krycek, but even that much effort left his head spinning, and he moaned as pain stabbed between his eyes. The voices seemed to redouble in volume and everything blurred for a moment. When the world reassembled itself, all the surfaces of wall and floor around him seemed haloed in luminous shades of green and blue. He giggled at the mad light show around him, but once again, the pain returned to remind him of his misery.

Alex was doing something at his chest, as he stared into space, wondering why the walls rippled with magenta.

//Goddamn it Fox. You've gotta help me here.....//

Someone..... who was it? Alex! ..... was trying to get him upright. An arm was awkwardly round his shoulder, trying to pull him to his feet.

//.....Stupid damn arm........//

"....Hurts, Alex...." Why was he telling the rat bastard that. Alex didn't want him. Alex didn't care.

Krycek was muttering curses as he tugged at Mulder. The arm tightened around him, tugging, and he found his head resting on Krycek's shoulder. He leaned into the warmth he found there, something about it seeming to push the dark, terrible sound of the voices away from him a little.

//Yeah. That's it. Come on baby.....//

Mulder giggled softly to himself at that, no longer thinking very coherently. The warm body started to draw back from him and he stumbled along, trying to maintain contact. Trying to keep the horror at bay. Wrapping his arms around Alex as closely as possible.

Alex sighed in relief. For a moment, he had thought that it would be impossible to manage Mulder, with his one good arm, it was all but impossible to drag the older man's body. But with the last of his strength, Fox was managing to force his body to move. Slowly, with drunkenly inept steps, Mulder succeeded in walking. His arms still clutched in a death grip, on Alex's leather jacket, and they made their way as quickly as Mulder could move, to a waiting hire van in the parking lot. Mulder never even noticed how easy it was.

//......Lucky I killed those guards.......//

Alex pushed Mulder in through the sliding side door of the white van, and slid the door closed. Then he took off, driving as fast as he dared, away from the hospital.

//....have to change vehicles........ caught on security cameras.......//

Mulder began to moan in agony, his body doubling over, as they reached his other vehicle, a nondescript black car parked on a leafy suburban street. It was the work of moments to push the unresisting Mulder into the passenger seat, and drive away, abandoning the van. Mulder kept on whimpering in that distressing way. Alex tried to ignore the sound.

//.....soon baby...... hold on.....//

Finally he could stand the sound of Mulder's distress no longer, and pulled the car over. He reached over to touch Mulder's shoulder, and heard the older man gasp as Alex's hand brushed against his face.

Mulder was in hell. The voices........... 

//screaming and shouting and laughing and crying and howling and sobbing and........//

He couldn't block out the sound no matter what he tried. They only got louder and more insistent, hammering a nail into his overloaded brain. Then Alex touched him, skin against skin. And the mind that was Alex brushed against his, eclipsing the voices, forcing them into the background, sending them into the distance where they were muted and bearable. With a deep sigh, his head relaxed against Alex's shoulder, his hair brushing against Alex's smooth cheek. Some part of him recognised with surprise, the degree of concern and love in this man's mind. He clung to it, as a drowning man would cling to a rock, the only stability in a world gone mad. And he sighed softly, whispered a response.

"I never knew you loved me Alex."

Even as Alex was still trying to process that startling announcement, Mulder's arms wrapped around him, and the agent sagged against him in exhausted sleep.

********

Mulder would never remember much about the next few hours. His brain perhaps blocked out the memories of overwhelming pain. He would retain a confused impression of Alex close to him....., the sharp sting of a hypo in his arm....., movement in more than one vehicle. Once, the nausea of travelling over water...... And finally, a blessed silence inside his mind, as the voices gradually faded and were gone.

*********

He awoke on the afternoon of the third day after his rescue. It was actually his convulsive movement to throw off the light sheet that covered him, that brought him fully awake. He was in a small, clean bedroom, the decor of which was simple and vaguely Shaker. Something countrified and well crafted. The air was cool and fresh, and the sun slanting through slatted wooden blinds on the window argued that it was well past midday, possibly even late afternoon. The sunlight caught upon the first faint strands of a spider's web that was being created as he watched, one patient strand at a time.

Mulder sat up in bed, the coverlet falling further onto the floor at the side of the bed. He felt hungry, and it seemed as though his mind was awake and clear for the first time in weeks. Had it been that long? He had no clear recollection of how long he had been out of touch, but he suspected that it had been a long time. He rose to his feet, half surprised to find no trace of stiffness or fatigue in his body. Still naked, he made his way to the window and peered out. The rolling grass of the Prairies met his gaze. As far as he could tell, at least on this side of the house, there was no sign of civilisation. Hardly surprising, some farms in the Mid West were so isolated that you could walk for days and not see any signs of civilisation. And this was apparently one such farm. He could see a whitewashed fence marking a small corral, to one side of the property.

He couldn't remember coming here, no matter how much he tried. His last coherent memory was being in the doctor's office and looking at a small piece of paper that had some smudged markings on one side. Things got a little fuzzy after that. Faces appeared in his mind, in no discernible order. Diana Fowley, Skinner, Scully. And Alex Krycek...... How long had it been since he had seen that rat? He closed his eyes briefly, as memories returned unbidden, of that one time when they had been more than enemies...... but ultimately less than lovers. The rejection still stung, despite the lapse of two lonely years.

//Alex slowly sliding into him, as he begged for it on hands and knees......//

//Alex grinning, as he lay back on the sheets, an all too satisfied gleam in his eyes//

//Alex as his face contorted in despair, and he fled the scene of their one night stand, never to return//

//The brief flash of hope in the Rat's face as his lips brushed against Mulder's cheek in the semi-darkness of Mulder's apartment//

What a mess!

The sudden creak of the door behind him startled Mulder out of his reverie. He turned expectantly, to face the person who had brought him here, needing an explanation for his present circumstances. And gasped as he found himself face to face with the Rat himself.

Alex saw his shock, and those full lips curved slightly, registering amusement. 

"What the hell's going on Krycek? Why did you bring me here? What do you want, you son of a bitch?"

Something hardened in Krycek's face, and the assassin's voice, when he spoke, was glacially cool.

"You don't remember, do you Fox?"

Mulder glared at his nemesis. "Remember what? Did you kidnap me to stop me finding out the truth about that artefact?"

Alex shook his head. "Don't you feel hungry Fox?" He knew he had the upper hand. "And don't you think this conversation would be more civilised if you put some clothes on?" His eyes wandered in a slow, deliberate drift across Fox Mulder's naked body, and the smile returned when he saw a slight flush cross Mulder's face, interestingly colouring other parts of his body too. 

Mulder watched Krycek's eyes move across his body, deliberately taunting, and before he could stop his response, he felt his cock twitch in response. He quickly turned away, but not before the damage had been done. He heard Alex hiss in surprise.

//Oh shit!//

Being naked and at a disadvantage in front of Alex Krycek was a hell of a way to start the day. And his body readily begin to respond, all too willing to announce its approval of the leather clad assassin.

"Get out Krycek and let me dress." Mulder fumbled for the shirt he had seen hanging over the back of a wooden chair, close by the end of the bed.

Alex had frozen when he saw what effect he was having on Mulder. He couldn't have moved if he had wanted to, which he assuredly didn't. Being in the same room as Mulder tended to have that effect. And the hoarse sound of Mulder's voice brought its own kind of torment. The man sounded breathless and needy, all at once, as if he was begging to be fucked through the wall. 

"No!" Alex said softly.

"Please....." Mulder managed. He sounded so desolate, that before he could stop himself, Alex reached out and touched his former lover.

//WANT//NEED//LOVE//HEAT//FIRE//DESPAIR//

A tangled whirl of emotions broke into Fox Mulder's mind, the pent up desperation and longing in Alex Krycek's mind. Mulder couldn't hope to control the passionate outburst that filled his mind. His brain, sensitive now to the merest whisper of thought, was lost in the flood. A true telepathic response. And even as it washed over him, he remembered the traumatic events of the past week, the hospital, his colleagues' betrayals.

But this time was different. This far from civilisation, there was no-one else within range of his mind but Alex. There was no pain, it took the combined assault of thousands of minds close to his in the city to drive him out of his mind. 

Not here and now though. 

He could bear the touch of just one mind. Though his body couldn't resist the sudden wave of another's desire as it flooded through him. With a low groan of longing, he turned and pulled Alex Krycek hard against him. He felt the startled response more as a flash of colour within his mind, then Alex yielded against him in boneless surrender.

They kissed, and to his surprise, Mulder could feel the pleasure of the other man as he ran his tongue along the ridges in Alex's mouth. He did it again, more urgently, demanding the kiss, and with a growing sense of wonder, felt the heat flash through Alex's mind. He began to have some small suspicions of what had happened to him.

//....Need to undress.... // .....Damn arm....//......So good.....//

He was hearing Alex Krycek's thoughts. By some miracle. And yet more wonderful still was the feel of this man close to him once again. The heady, addictive smell of leather, the dark clad body pressed against his, the lean torso that felt so wonderful in his arms. His hands began to push up the dark t-shirt with its obscure logo about some insect topic, maybe a band....? He felt a need to respond to Alex's awkwardness about his injury, an strange gentleness. Odd how a single glimpse into Alex Krycek's mind had brought that out in him. There was an unguarded vulnerability about the younger man's thoughts. He would have to think about the ethics of reading minds..... but not just yet...... He had uncovered that delectable torso, and was testing Alex's response, trailing his tongue across the left nipple and admittedly enjoying the way Alex's thoughts turned incoherent. In fact, to a very uncharacteristic joyous entreaty that was curiously endearing. 

He pushed back until Alex's legs were pressed against the edge of the bed, and the two of them tumbled back onto the bed. 

Was that really a joyous whoop he heard in the younger man's mind? 

On top of Alex, he realised that he could quite quickly become addicted to the *taste* of Alex's mind. He cupped the younger man's face between his hands and stared down into the green eyes. Alex stilled, and watched him uncertainly. He could feel the heat of the other's skin, the hard nipples pressing against his chest. He could feel the younger man's erection pressing against his, and it was hard not to rub himself against the other.

"Is this what you intended Alex? When you brought me here. For us to end up in bed......?" Mulder had to know. Alex shook his head, and Mulder received a confused impression of desperation and fear for him, a sense of reckless flight and worry for him.

"That's all I wanted to know!" Mulder kissed Alex hard. He drew back and saw the delectable sight of Alex in the throes of passion, head flung back, mouth reddened from the pressure of his lips, breathing rapidly. He ran his fingers down the sleek flanks, finding a new joy in the small echoes of delight that resounded in his partner's mind. *This* was like no other encounter he had ever known. Alex was so sweet to the touch, so responsive. And he felt so right. Secure and safe. Gentle and tender.

//Alex Krycek? The Rat himself?//

He was swept away on a wave of desire, before he could even consider that thought. Drawn down *into* the body that writhed and moaned in his arms, as he sought the most delectable places to probe with fingers and tongue. He *was* a telepath, and he *knew* what his partner's most secret dreams and desires were. From the moment his tongue first swirled across a flat belly and he heard the gasps, mental and physical, that were elicited. 

Alex would never forget this night, not ever. There was a tongue working busily between his legs, and he was being taken from one plateau to a higher peak, just by the newly expert touches of this man. It had never been like this before. Mulder seemed to know exactly what to do to reduce Alex to a shivering, moaning mass. He didn't yield himself up lightly to any man. But he had without hesitation spread himself wide for this man in a gesture of trust, so unlike his usual self. Fox Mulder had smiled brilliantly, and proceeded to drive him out of his mind, again and again, knowing with uncanny accuracy when his partner was about to come, and drawing back from the brink. 

Did he know that he had been given Alex Krycek's soul, along with his body?

Then there was a pause, and he caught a glorious glimpse of Mulder poised above him, panting with exertion, and the effort of holding himself back. 

"Fox, oh yeah! Now.... Please...."

Whether it was in mind, body or both, Mulder didn't know. But his response was to push his way into Alex, gasping at the heat of penetration.

// Pain // Heat // FUCK!! THERE FOX!!//

His mind lost whatever coherence it had left. There was only the white fire of taking/being taken. There was no longer a separation between Alex and himself. Only the glory of sliding in and drawing back in a maelstrom of fire. Someone was screaming, it could have been Alex, himself, or even both of them in unison. Then fireworks exploded in his head, the combined orgasms of both of them echoing inside his skull, a volume surely far too small to contain the detonation.

Mulder fainted.

*******

"You okay?" Alex sounded uncertain. He gave a tentative little smile, slightly guilty, as if he was afraid he had harmed his Fox.

Mulder lay languorously on the bed, staring at the half completed web on the corner of the window. 

"I'm alright Alex. Why don't you go make us some breakfast? I could do with the extra calories after that workout!" Alex beamed a grin at him full force, and headed for the kitchen, chuckling over the fact that it was four in the afternoon.

After a while, Mulder slowly dragged himself to his feet. He couldn't remember ever feeling so good. Not just physically satisfied, but with the warm glow of Alex's mind touch echoing in the background, like a cat purring. Admittedly, an extremely satisfied cat. There was a hint of something deeper there too, that Mulder didn't want to examine too closely. He would have liked to pretend it was just deep affection, but he knew better. It was curiously soothing. And damned addictive. He was sure he could get used to this life quickly. 

He had a relaxed shower, then pulled on a bath robe and headed for the busy sounds of Alex cooking. His partner greeted him, and began to chop some mushrooms on the kitchen work surface.

"Omelette okay?" Alex said. Mulder nodded, and moved forward to wrap his arms around Alex's waist as he worked. Alex leaned into the embrace of the man holding him from behind. The mind-purr increased about ten fold. Mulder buried his face in the warm chestnut hair, let his lips tickle the back of Alex's neck. Alex squirmed, and moved his head to let Mulder nuzzle the side of his neck.

"Strange, isn't it Alex!" Mulder sighed into the warm skin. "That we ended up in bed together. I used to think you guilty of so much. So many killings......"

He hadn't intended to criticise Alex, just be open about there relationship. But he wasn't prepared for the briefest flash of memory that came into Alex's mind. 

A picture of Mulder's father at the end of Alex's gun.

Alex blithely went on preparing food, his mind-contentment unchanged, until he felt the stiff and unresponsive figure next to him. Surprised, he turned, but was totally unprepared for the fist that caught him on the side of the jaw, knocking him to the floor.

"You son of a bitch! You *did* kill my father!

Alex stared at him, as he began to get an inkling of what had just happened. What the scientist had suspected was true. He had brought Fox away from civilisation just in case it was true. But to have the suspicion of telepathy confirmed like this! 

Mulder snatched up the abandoned food knife and pressed it against Alex's chest.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now, you black hearted bastard?"

Alex stared dully at his lover. 

"Go ahead. You *know* I won't fight you. If you saw that much inside my head then look at the rest."

He opened his mind to Mulder, showing him what had really happened that night.

//Bill Mulder facing Alex's gun//

//Bill Mulder yelling abuse at Alex while his spaced out son sat in a drug induced haze.//

//Mulder's father pointing a gun at his own son's head//

//Alex saving his Foxes life by firing first....//

The knife clattered out of Mulder's numb fingers. He couldn't hurt Alex. Not now. Not ever. Not when that mind offered itself to him. Alex could have killed him three times over, but he had just waited for Mulder to finish him. As if living without Mulder was more than he could bear......

Alex carefully retrieved the knife without comment, and put it to one side.

"I've always loved you. But never more than right now." Alex looked sad. "I'll leave. You'll be safe here. I won't tell anyone where you are. There are enough supplies for months." He moved over to the nearest window. The spider was once again busily at work.

"Mind reading is more of a minefield than I ever expected!" Mulder said dully, finally admitting the truth to his lover. "Oh Alex......" A tear rolled unbidden down his cheek.

"I used to be clean cut and honest, believe it or not!" Alex sighed. "It was never supposed to be this way." 

Alex continued to watch the spider busily spinning her web. 

"You learn to do things that would have left you sick to your stomach, if only you had time to think about it. Things that had to be done, because circumstances left you no other choice. Once you fall into their webs, once you get snared in their nets. Once upon a time, an age ago, I swore to protect and serve. I never dreamed where it would lead me, the depths I would fall to........ " 

He closed long lashed eyes, and Mulder could have sworn he saw a tear gleam there. But this was Alex Krycek, consortium killer, long time enemy, the man who had so much to answer for......

He reached instinctively for that new awareness, for the first time, trying to control it, to make *it* serve *him.*

//.......Oh god Fox......My love...... I wish..... If only I'd met you sooner.....//

//Longing//

//Despair//

Alex blinked in surprise as a long fingered hand reached out and brushed away the suspicion of moisture at the corner of his eye.

"We found each other in the end Alex. Doesn't that count for something?" Mulder gave a wry smile. "Don't you want to find out whether an assassin and an FBI agent can find some common ground?"

Alex was staring at him, a look of wonder dawning on his face.

"You read my mind........!" He whispered, only now realising the implications.

"Yeah! I did, didn't I!" Fox Mulder reached out and stroked one finger down Alex's cheek, seeing the lips curve in a hesitant smile. "It's an X file. Maybe you should investigate it, give it some in depth coverage......."

He didn't manage to finish what he was saying, Alex's mouth covered his, and he was borne down onto the soft rug that lay in front of the nearby log fire. An arm was holding onto him so tightly that he could feel the hardness of firm muscles in Alex's torso. Green eyes filled with hope, gleamed with reflected firelight as Alex lay above him, gazing into his face. Whatever Alex saw there, in Mulder's hazel eyes must have satisfied him, because he gave a small sigh, and leaned his forehead against Mulder's for a moment. 

"Love?" Mulder wondered. "Maybe!" He was sure as hell going to give it a chance. Maybe the two of them couldn't make a difference in the long run. But working........., living....... together. He was going to give it his best shot. It wouldn't be easy. But one thing was certain, He *knew* that Alex meant what he said about caring for Mulder, and that was enough of a basis for trust. 

*********

End of Pusharound (1/1)  
by Megaera

-  
megaera


End file.
